First Anniversary

Today is Vancouver and my first anniversary together. Wow, I haven’t left this place in a year. It feels fruitful yet bittersweet, fun yet nostalgic. It has been a year with an equation equivalent to [insanity+depression] + [independence and fulfillment]. The feelings I have towards Van is understandably extreme. There were days when I was just feeling wonderfully lucky for being here experiencing a whole new world on my own and there were some when I just want to hop into an airplane and fly back home.

And yet, the idea of going home scares me. My mother has been nagging it to me forever, but somehow, I cannot find myself to drop everything here and go home. Deep inside, I know I am enjoying discovering things and experiencing freedom in Canada. I earn money, with my own sweat and tears, and spend it however way I want to. I have no strings attached here and I like it. I admit, my jobs here are nothing to be jealous of because they are low-paying and labor-filled. But getting my paycheck always makes me smile, because I know I worked hard for it. The blisters in my feet, the calluses on my hand are nothing compared to the fulfillment of living independently. The money I can save for my expeditions around North America. That is my primary reason for staying. I just want to travel while I am still young.

Still, I miss my family and my friends back home. I miss the crazy life in Manila. I miss being driven by a chauffeur to the mall. I miss flipping telephone numbers in my head, thinking which friend to call. I miss Filipino food, especially Kare-Kare. I miss foot spas. I could go on and on. But most of all, I miss my Mom and brothers. They would be enough reason for me to go home, because they define the happiness I feel in my life.

Will there be a second anniversary?